You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
