my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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