Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
