There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
They took my balls.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
