he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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