Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
