Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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