i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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