Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
