Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
