my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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