I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
