So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
