I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
