I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
