You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
