booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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