My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
