Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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