Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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