What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize