apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
