I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
