Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
