i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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