Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
