im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
