I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
