Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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