I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
