so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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