your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
