Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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