I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
