Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
