Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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