So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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