Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
