I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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