I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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