And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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