There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
