I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
