this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
