That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
