I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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