It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
