got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize