the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
