she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
