You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
