A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
