booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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