How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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