Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
His nipple licking is glorious
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