I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
