Reggie can tackle my bush.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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