Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
