wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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