My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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