a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
