I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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