i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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