It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize