It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
