There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
