Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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