And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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