I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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