i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So vagazzling was a success
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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