I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
