Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
