im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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