I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
