i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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