fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize