Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
