Whod you bang
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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