You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
