How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize