Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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