i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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