girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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