I just made out with a guy for $7.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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