don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
