I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
