this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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