..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
As shirtless as possible
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
