Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
