does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
