my vag is so smooth its legendary
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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