well I can't set my house on fire every night
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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