she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize