Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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